marriage suffering because of miscarriage??

edited August 2011 in May 2011
My husband and i got into a argument last night. We've been arguing a lot lately. I know on my part it's because he doesn't help me out with the baby. He works nights and I work days, our daughter goes to daycare so it's not like he's not getting any sleep anymore. All I want him to do is maybe put a load of laundry in or wash the baby's bottles from daycare for the next day...nothing too out of the way. I probably do nag him too much but sheesh that's all I ask him to do. So anyways we get into because I asked him to do something and he gets all bent out of shape.

He's told me before he hasn't been able to stand me for a long time(when we've been arguing before so Idk if its anger or truth when he says it) and last night he told me ever since we had our miscarriage last yr with our first pregnancy that I've changed so much and not the person who he loved. (Well damn our child was taken from us!) So im kinda of lost. We've been arguing so much and for him to tell me all that just really hurts. We've been married for almost 3 yrs and I do love him. I just wish he would help out a bit. It just seems im taking care of our 3 month old alone and he turns around and says I don't care about our kid and im such a bad mother, blah blah blah.

Comments

  • So sorry you are going through this. Do you think you have actually changed? My bf and I are going through a rough patch right now bcuz he has been really mean and irritable lately and honestly it is making me fall out of love with him and pull away. I can't stand him and would rather not be around him most times.

    He needs to understand that what you went through was alot to take emotionally and if it changed you its understandable but he should help you get through it.
  • edited August 2011
    Yes I do think I've changed. That mc broke me. We were trying for over a yr when we finally got pregnant only to have a mc 10 wks later! I was depressed and suicidal to the point I was hospitalized for a week! He never wanted to talk a out it. I know he was hurt about the whole thing. I just felt like he let me down during that time because I was so hurt and wanted to talk about it and he wanted to go to his familys house and go golfing while I stayed home and cried. I know that was his way of dealing with it...im just really hurt. And he told me the other day how much he wanted to get in a car accident on the way to work so he wouldn't have to deal with me and everyone else. I told him he had some issues he needed to work out if that's how he truly felt @excitedforoctober
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  • edited August 2011
    Well im not depressed or suicidal at all anymore. I've never been happier. Its just him making me feel bad because he's saying that I don't care about our kid and that im the worst mother. That just hurts more than anything! I know im a good mother. @mrsG I just don't know what's wrong with him I think its ppd that his having but he denies it and tells me im just making excuses for my behavior to make him seem like the bad guy.
  • Have you both considered counseling?
  • It really sounds like you need marriage counseling. A loss like that is very hard on a relationship and a year's worth of ttc and then trying again after a miscarriage is incredibly stressful too. You both probably need to take some time to work on your relationship and make it stronger. Counseling and date nights would help that a lot.
  • What is his reason for saying your a bad mother? He sounds like he neeeds help. Sorry you have to deal with this. I know men who have had a live child after a loss sometimes come to terms with what it is exactly that they lost. He might be mourning the preivious baby and might beblaming you. Which is not ok. Either way he needs help to deal with what ever is going on and stop taking it out on you.
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  • @ll10 I honestly don't know. I get up at 5 a.m every morning to get the baby fed and cleaned before I drive to daycare and still drive to work so I get at work on time. After working until 4:30 I go pick her up and drive home. While he's still sleeping I feed and change her diaper. Take dinner out, cook, keep the baby entertained while staying quiet so he can sleep before work, do laundry, clean the house after HE'S messed it up. He spends a hour tops with her bfore he goes to work at 9 p.m. im constantly with her and I never ever complain. All I ask him to do is pick up A LITTLE before he goes to sleep when he gets home at 7 a.m.
  • @laura536 we have tried marriage counseling in the past but he stopped after they wanted to addresse his anger issues. He claimed they knew nothing and were stupid. I want to go back but he refuses. I feel like im the only one fighting for this marriage. I know im wrong because I've put him down and called him names during the fights but he doesn't see anything wrong with what he does and his mother basically makes excuses for his behavior like its some big joke and that im the only one causing problems
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