Need advice...splitting up.

  • Junebuggbabie85Junebuggbabie85 February 2012

    So for those of you ladies that have recently separated from husbands or boyfriends that you were living with and sharing bills with, how did you do it. I'm pretty sure my bf and I are headed toward a split. I'm just not happy anymore, I dont trust him. He lies to me and hides stuff from me and uses me and walks all over me. He doesn't participate in his sons life. he doesn't help me unless I ask him a thousand times and then half asses it because he knows illl just take over so it actually gets done right. He's never home he choses his job over his family. And I just cant take it anymore. Wer live together and our lease isn't up for another like ten months. I can't move back home because I have my cat and my dads allergic. My bf is on my cell plan and I ain't know if they can just split it. I really need some advice and any experience you ladies may have. I need to do what's best for me and my son and I just don't see how constantly being sad and angry and fighting with his father is the best thing for him. Please help.

  • Janet_2011Janet_2011 February 2012

    Well if I were you I would get rid of the cat and move back to my dad's house. There are 50 dollars cell phone plans on T-Mobile. Att and some others. I would just get one of those. If you aren't happy and he treats you bad.. then leave

  • moodymommiemoodymommie February 2012

    bump sorry :(

  • 0utlaw_Sphinx0utlaw_Sphinx February 2012

    They can split the plan. I did it with my mother when I cut her off. As for the moving...I know how hard it is to lose a pet. I just recently had to rehome my two dogs and one cat because my rental house went into foreclosure and had to find a house to move to very quickly. You may have to consider rehoming your fur baby :( I am sorry your relationship is ending. But, you deserve to be happy and to be able to provide your lo with a positive environment. If your partner doesn't want to do his part in the relationship and in parenting then a split is entirely warranted.

  • %5BDeleted+User%5D[Deleted User] February 2012

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    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I agree, you should find the kitty a home. Its ur cat or your son being in a happy home with a happy mom :)

  • Junebuggbabie85Junebuggbabie85 February 2012

    I can't get rid of my cat. That's not an option. I'm not worried about not having a place to stay. I pay most of the bills anyway. All ge pays is his half of rent and his cell and groceries. I just don't know how to make it amicable. I still want him to be able to see his son if he ever wants to.

  • Janet_2011Janet_2011 February 2012

    @Junebuggbabie85 oh ok.. I don't have a pet for that reason.. you end up loving them too much.. even if you split up doesn't mean you have to hate eachother or anything. You can still be nice to each other for the sake of your baby. He can then move out and pay child support so you are not alone with the baby's needs

  • whoaababywhoaababy February 2012

    @junebuggbabie85 I could never get rid of my dog either. I have left and ex that was threatening to hurt him and gotten evicted because of my dog. We are together till the end. As for the cell phone bill yes it can def be split. Good luck! I hope everything works out and you are happy!

  • Junebuggbabie85Junebuggbabie85 February 2012

    @whoaababy yeah my cat is my other baby it would be like giving up a child.

  • ripKaydenceripKaydence February 2012

    i competely understand the cat. why dont you ask him to move out? tell him he can contine giving you half rent as child support.

  • 0utlaw_Sphinx0utlaw_Sphinx February 2012

    @ripKaydence has a good idea! As for amicable split...well, you're not very amicable now so I don't know that you can count on that sort of ending. But, your relationship with him should have no bearigg on his relationship with his child. Just tell him that.

  • Junebuggbabie85Junebuggbabie85 February 2012

    @ripkaydence that is a good idea. He can easily move back in with his parents.and he wouldn't have to pay them rent.. It just really sucks because I really do love him and it breaks my heart to think of us not together but it breaks my heart being like this too. And I've tried telling him how I feel but nothing changes. He's not a, bad guy he's just very young and immature and that didn't show until I got pregnant.

  • ripKaydenceripKaydence February 2012

    tell him you need a break and think it would be best if he went to stay with his parents for a while. to see what both of you want and need in your relationship that he can come over anytimeas he wants (with prior notice) and see his son whenever but no sleep overs if you dont want and he cant stay all night or day. that you need a break and you need him to figure out what he needs and wants from you as well you from him. its easier for him to stay with his parents then for you to move you the baby the cat all your shiz and the babys shiz. so just tell him he can leave and give yall this break or you can kick him out and make things worse.

  • ripKaydenceripKaydence February 2012

    im just saying...not sure why noone else thought of that lol once you said all he pays is half months rent!! ding ding ding !!

  • Junebuggbabie85Junebuggbabie85 February 2012

    Lol @ripkaydence yeah it would be easier since all the furniture and stuff is mine too. The only thing of his is a tv. Ugh I'm so torn

  • ripKaydenceripKaydence February 2012

    Ya know. I know your torn but even if you dont wanna break up maybe him away from the house fora week or so would be good for both of you. Maybe just ask him to pack a bag.

  • Junebuggbabie85Junebuggbabie85 February 2012

    l @ripkaydence I swear I'm going to scream. I'm all set to talk to him and tell him I'm not happy with the way things are and that I think we should take a break.and figure out what's best for our son and then this morning he goes and gets all fatherly on me. I was holding liam about to put him in his car seat and he walks over and starts taking to him and kissing on him. Then when we are leaving for work he follows me to my car and asks me if I want him to put the baby in the car for me. Ugh ugh I'm going to scream.

  • Update? Since im going thru something similar...

  • Mami_of_3Mami_of_3 May 2012

    I will tell u I was in kinda the same situation. I was irritated, unhappy, mad and frustrated... it got to a point we're we couldnt get along. I could not trust him for nothing! Nd he was always accusing me of something.. I didn't realize how bad thngs we're actually goin nd he had a drinking problem plus he stays home nd watches r 3kids while I work... I woke up one day nd I was tired I had enough... but I loved him still so it was even harder. so he insisted we attend therapy (couples counseling) its been r 2nd week nd wow how great it feels to actually be able to say exactly how u feel nd be able to have a mediator to guide you nd allow u to try to understand how the other person feels... the thing that sucked with us is sometimes thngs would be ok then thy would go so sour over somethng small nd we wouldn't listen to eachother bcuz we we're upset... Now he given up drinking and things have gotten a lot better and I'm happier nd grateful things are lookin brighter... Dr was able to stress how important family nd time really are... so mayb he jst needs a reality check? Idk if u still love him its never to late to try to make things better... jst remember it has to rain before u see a rainbow..

  • Mami_of_3Mami_of_3 May 2012

    @vanessa_mom2b idk wat ur situation is like but read above post.... hopefully it might help

  • julesjules May 2012

    I hope things work out for the best for yo know that u have had issues for some time now. But honestly if u just bringing up the idea makes him act better then I would stand my ground and ask for him to stay with his parents for little and then maybe make thing me separated as time goes on like the cell phone thing I mean it won't hurt and u well b ready for the worst I case it's all just a show then the next day he goes back to careless everyone does that. Just say u already see him wanting to change so time apart would b best plus u need it as well.

  • hey ladies sorry I've been gone so long so long..
    so he ended up cheating on me I actually caught him at her house. so I kicked him out. that was two months ago and I found out sunday he is already living with his new girlfriend and doing things for her he never did for me.
    he hardly sees his son maybe for like two hours a week. he does pay child support but it doesn't give my son his father back. in really lonely and hurting really badly. I still love him but I will never trust him or forgive him.

  • Janet_2011Janet_2011 June 2012

    @Junebuggbabie85 Omg i am so sorry that you and your son are going through this situation :( , at least you found out the truth before he went on longer with the lie.. Guys are such fucking idiots most of the times, and the sad part is that his new girlfriend will probably do to him what he did to you (he deserves it if it does happens)
    i guess theres nothing no one can say to make you feel better, time is the only healer for such a tough situation , i hope everything gets better for you :X

  • kayleigh27kayleigh27 June 2012

    I'm sorry :( that just sucks. You didn't deserve that. Just remember karma has one hell of a bitch slap. I agree with her ^^^ she'll probably wind up cheating on him

  • @kayleigh27 @janet_2011 I know it's horrible but I'm really hoping she does. she's trashy. she leaves hickies on his neck when she knows he's coming over to see his son

  • Janet_2011Janet_2011 June 2012

    @Junebuggbabie85 OMG shes such a whore.. i hate women like that :(

  • @janet_2011 I know right!?! I mean what is she like sixteen??

  • Janet_2011Janet_2011 June 2012

    @Junebuggbabie85 She must have the mind of a damn little girl if she thinks is ok to destroy a family and in top of that to leave marks on him when he is going to go see his son, that is so rude and out of line, is not like if you are going to jump on him or anything 8-|

  • I would cut a bitch!
    On a serious note, I'm sorry that happened to you! I have been in your shoes and its no fun! Just continue to take it day by day, don't show him you hurt. He will get his karma.

    "Midwives see birth as a miracle and only mess with it if there's a problem; doctors see birth as a problem and if they don't mess with it, it's a miracle!"--Barbara Harper
    Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers
  • MyLove2MyLove2 June 2012

    .

  • I'm sorry you're going through this. You did the right thing by kicking him to the curb.
    @aishamusa- I think you need to re-read her post.

  • I'm better off with out him....at least that's what I keep telling myself....on a brighter note I have a date saturday :)

  • Janet_2011Janet_2011 June 2012

    Oooh girl have fun. :)

  • MijitaMijita June 2012

    You'll be counting your blessings in the next few months and will wonder what in the hell you saw in him. As for him helping her and doing things for her he didn't do for you may be attributed to two things...

    1. All relationships are peachy creme in the beginning! We go out of our way to be ”perfect” to impress our bf/gf. Isn't that funny how human nature is? I'd love to see how they are doing 6-8 months from now. I don't doubt when he visits his son that he starts confiding in you her faults.

    2. Not all relationships have the same chemistry, what didn't work in one may work in the other. I wouldn't beat yourself up over what you did or didn't do. I'll bet it was out of both your control -- chalk it up to bad chemistry.

    On a final note, I'm glad he's being a man and watching out for his son financially!

    Enjoy that date!!

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