Teenagers

Wilsomom

Any of you that are teens (or recently were) or that have them....HELP!!!

My 2 teen boys are driving me crazy. They're pretty much living here, but not a participating family member. They don't want to help around the house, they don't eat dinner with us, they stay up late & fix their own food which messes up my kitchen that I make sure is clean when I go to bed, they watch crap on tv that I don't approve of (family guy, etc), their room is a pig pen, etc. They seem to think going to school is their "job" & there's no other responsibilities they should have. Worst of all they're setting a horrible example for the younger 6 kids.

They are my hubby's step kids which basically means they got/get away with a lot of crap because of that. My hubby is gone 90% of the time with work & so I feel like they control me. Everything I do revolves around them....meaning if they're home the little kids can't use the tv or computer, they listen to trash on youtube so I have to make sure the little kids aren't around, same with the tv. Then they try to lay a guilt trip on me saying I treat then like kids. Bull crap... They have no bed time, no chores, they pretty much do what they want.

I feel like such a failure with them.

@dadof2n1togo you're a guy, maybe you can shed some light lol

@adding1more don't you have a large family? Any ideas?
@mijita , I think you said you came from a large family?
@mama_kat ???

captivated

Sounds like normal teenage kids. That is how I Nd everyone else I know was! Theure not going to want to do family things at that age. The music is normal as well. I agree though, that rules need to be set in place. They should be helping out regardless of them "wanting" to. They should be able to listen to music they want, but not around the other kids if you disapprove. As for the computer, make a schedule!

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skysma

I am 21 and I know how they feel lol I felt that way but I look back at it now and I thank my father for sticking to his rules and standing his groun I feel if u don't want them watchin those tv shows or listening to the music then they don't belong doing it period no ands if or buts about it that's just my 2 sense

Máthair

Add parental locks to the tv so they can not watch anything over pg or whatever you set it at. I know Verizon offers the ability to block ratings not just channels. I love that option because I can't sit and watch every second of a show my son might want to watch so some of them I was surprised at being above a pg rating.

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Wilsomom

@mama_kat thank you, that's some great ideas. The thing is me & the little kids do all the household chores & they know it. It's almost like they feel entitled because they did chores when they were younger. Idk what happened & changed so much. I knew you didn't have teens, but you always have great advice. Lol

@skysma - it's great to hear from someone close to their age. So do you think forcing then to do those things is ok & won't damage our relationship? That's one of my problems... I'm always worried they're gonna hate me.

Wilsomom

@conreeaght I forgot about that...we use netflix & amazon so they should have that. Oh but then I'll be "treating therm like kids" ugh, at this point they need to be treated like kids.

Mijita

I think you need to have a serious talk with their dad about how they are treating you. Sounds like they are using the, ”you are not my mother, you can't tell me what to do” to their advantage to live as they please. They need to be reminded that their father works hard to provide for their family and you are part of that hard working unit. It's simply going to go on one ear and it the other, so you need to put actions behind your words. Give them an allotted time for tv that alternates with all the kids. Stop buying them the things they like to eat (temporarily) to show them how fortunate they are. I caution you however because it sound like there is some underlying resentment and your actions may irritate that. Aside from normal teenage rebellious behaviors, I think there is something more going on. Sometimes you need to just get to their level to understand what their needs are. I was a very well behaved kid, but I seriously had that I was right about everything mentality.

I suspect you enable it to some degree and I understand why, but until you firmly put your foot down they will continue to walk over you in the manner they've grown accustom to.

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Wilsomom

@mijita , actually I'm the biological mom & hubby is the step, but I know what you mean. Yes, I feel like I'm totally enabling...but idk what the heck to do or how to do it. But this discussion is helping. They do like to complain that there's nothing good to eat because I'm trying to eat healthy, but I do buy then frozen pizza, bacon, cheese, white bread & crap that I wouldn't buy if it weren't for them. Maybe if I stopped buying that stuff they realize they don't have it that bad.

Wilsomom

@wyattsmommy wow, you're only 8 years older than your step daughter..that's awesome that you're so confident in raising her! If you can do it then I should be able to lol. Does she respect that in you?

More great ideas from @mama_kat ! I'm beginning to see a tiny light at the end of the tunnel lol thanks!

Wilsomom

@littlefae, you're from a large family do you have any wisdom for me? Lol

Wilsomom

@wyattsmommy lol!

CristinaLynn

@wilsonsmom You have to put your foot down. That is YOUR house!! Take the tv privileges away, take games away at a certain time. Do not let them run your house!!! Do not be afraid to be a bitch if you have to!

Mimii36

Im 22 so I was there age not too long ago. I say dont be afraid to put your foot down (or UP their asses.lol) Of course they will hate you for it! They are teenagers! They are suppose to hate you right now! Lol. But when they get older they will thank you.

lucyloo288

I didn't read everything, I just wanted to comment on one thing you said, and it comes from personal experience.. Having rules, expectations and consequences isn't going to ruin your relationship with them, it can only make it stronger. My mom was strict with me, I had a long list of rules that I had to follow, and she had high expectations. I knew if I didn't meet her expectations or if I broke the rules, there would be consequences. At the time, I didn't appreciate, understand, or like the way things were, but now, as an adult, I see why things were that way and I'm thankful for the life lessons that she taught me thru all of them.

It's not going to be easy, but they won't hate you. One day, they'll be grateful to you for the things you've taught them. Stick with whatever decision you make, and the respect will follow.

Wilsomom

Thank you everyone, that's really what I needed to hear. Now, to get the confidence to go at it! Lol

Thank you! @cristinalynn @mimii36 @blessedTXmom @lucyloo288

And maybe i'll just start taking all the power cords at bed time for a while, they's an excellent idea.

Máthair

Lol, they are kids SOOOO....

Lol, I remember one time I wouldn't turn my radio down so my mom went to the breaker box in the basement and turned off the power to my room for the rest of the night. I got the point after 5:30 head phones.

Mijita

Oops, I totally read that wrong.

I agree with the ladies, you just need you put your foot down. You're the boss!

[Deleted User]

Whatever you do lists and schedules bring your hb in to reenforce it.

denois

i know exactly what u mean!! i have a 15year old step son who lives with us! he moved in with us last december when his mum caught him doing drugs! he is a nightmare! kicked out of school took us two months to get him back into a school then he went and got into trouble in his new school! he doesnt help around the house he eats everything in the house! he smokes, swears and is a general pain in the back side! i have a 15month old son who is growing up seeing this and anothrr baby on the way! it doesnt matter what boundaries we put in place he ignores them! im only 26 and certainly didnt think i would be playing step mom to a 15year old brat!!

adding1more

my oldest is 15 and we are going through hell with her sorry I'm no help I actually need to use some of these tips.

Wilsomom

Thanks, at least I know I'm not the only one lol @adding1more @denois

I turned on the parental controls on netflix today so I'm sure I'll have a fight in my hands after school... And my 15 year old asked me to turn on his phone last week... I have him mow the grass for it (the ONLY thing he does) so I did like a dummy cause he "promised" he would mow the next day. Well guess what, his phone got turned off yesterday so he mowed the grass then asked me to turn it on...i said no that was for last week. It's a weekly prepaid so now he'll have to mow next week before I pay again.

skysma

No not at all now when they are my age I have a problem with my dad still riding me but in the past I'm very thankful for him now he wnt leave me the hell alone lmao now I get seriously upset with him tryin to tell me how to raise my kids but not then he stopped me from doing a bunch of crazy stuff

LittleFae

Sorryy! I haven't been on in a while. (Haven't read everything juggling a baby atm)

Pretty much putting your foot down? My parents, mainly my dad, were very very strict. I was never aloud to behave that way... we were to scared too. We were taught to respect from the beginning.

Since they are step children, theyy probably get away with a lot. You need to get on the same page with their father and the foot needs to come down.

Pretty much, no privlages unless all chores have been done sort of thing

I will try to answer bteter later.

I'm sorry you're. Going through this.

Wilsomom

@littlefae - thanks, I know you're busy..lol

Question...did you "really" respect them or were you just afraid of them? If you know what I mean.

And they're actually my biological kids, my hubby's step kids...but yes, because of that they get away with a lot. lol

Thanks again!

MorgDeeBee

My sister and I are about 5 years apart a.d were completely different as teenagers. We have the same mom but different dads, and she would do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted when my mom was gone because she felt like he had no say and my mom worked two jobs. It got to the point with her where everything was taken away phones, tv, radio, friends, bedroom doors and then she finally started doing what she was supposed to. She hated the fact that her stuff was taken away until she gave them a reason to believe she earned it.

Wilsomom

Thanks @morgdeebee I'm getting the idea from everyone that I need to take privileges away if responsibilities aren't done.
I turned the rating setting down on netflix & amazon & believe it or not they didn't throw a fit. They didn't like it, but I just told them I didn't like the trash they were watching, especially when the little kids were up. They must have knew it was not good because they didn't go crazy about it.

LittleFae

So sorry for the delay, isaac and hubby got sick ... Stupid nast colds. And men become bigger babies when sick.

Honestly, it was a lot of fear growing up towards my dad. But now its all respect. He has channged a lot though, he isnnt a hard ass like he used to be... I think we broke him loll jk. No he just reaalized that he wasn't raising us the way he should have. Though because of that there was aa difference in how I and a couple of us older ones were raised compared to my younger siblings.
We were modle citizens, yes sir, nor sir, yes mam, no mam and so. on. People always complemented my parents on our behavior.
My younger siblings are monsters. Totally out of conntrole. I do thaank my dad for how he raised me, beccause I am wwho I am today because of him annd besides homeschooling me (though that was mainly my moms faul) I thannk him. I work hard, I'm diciplined. I think there just has to be the right balance.
Maybe your boys need some tough dicipline until they learn thhat their behavior isn't tolerated. Some ppeople need a firm hannnd to guide others thrive over gentle touch.
I hope that all makes sense annd please excuse the typose the keyboard on myy phone is breaking

dadof2n1togo

I just get called SERGEANT CRANKY PANTSat home by the kids because I enforce the rules and punishments. I have even made the kids come on a run before obviously not fast or long but I make them run holding a rope to keep distance lol.

I am hard when I need to be but am also the biggest child at playtime lol. After all I start every nerf war lol.

Good luck though things will get better. I was a shit as a teenager and even had to be collected from the cop shop a few times. Now I am serving out my 12th year as a police officer lol its more fun in the front seat than the back anyway lol.