Need Advice...Single mom possibly marrying a guy going into the Army

loveourlittleone

My son's father and I broke up in February due to him lying, being unfaithful, and physically abusive. I tried to work on fixing things but, as it were, he just didn't want me anymore. Our son is now 11 months old.
It was my son's father's idea to split custody 50/50 (we did NOT go through the courts) because he didn't want to pay child support, he's never paid me anything...and the only reason I say that is because people have told me that if I filed for child support he might be ordered to pay something because he makes so much. Not the point but anyways..

The guy I've been with for a while now is very possibly joining the Army and he has mentioned getting married so my son and I can go with him if he gets stationed far away. I just want to know how I would need to go about making sure I can take my son with me without his father making it to where I can't. I don't want to take my son from his dad, but I gave up a lot of my dreams to be with him and then he got me pregnant and treated me like crap. I deserve to be happy, right?

CristinaLynn

As long as he doesn't file anything that you can't take him, you can take him wherever. If he didn't want him gone then he should've gone through the courts. Him being a shitbag will allow you to do whatever you want...him not wanting to pay child support is b.s. and you should really file.

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caroline8_p

Definetly file! It will save you soooo much future hassle

caroline8_p

And in most states. The standard is he would pay 17% of his income (for the first child).

loveourlittleone

@CristinaLynn @bettymomma @HomeBirthAdvocate @kristaf22 @caroline8_p
Ok, so say I file for sole custody...I have pictures of bruises he has left on me, and I have pictures of weed he had rolled up in a cigarillo (not smoked) hidden behind some candles and a little bit left out on his nightstand I saw when I went to pick my son up from his house. I'm not against weed but it doesn't need to be around a child.
Could I use this to get sole custody? I don't want to do this, he is a good dad but is also very selfish and has gone "off the deep end", for lack of better words since we split up. All about this new girl he has been dating for a week and they are already living together. I don't want my son around another woman 50% of the time. Just about every time I get my son back from his dad's he ends up being sick the next day.

His family is wonderful and I don't want to make them hate me.. But I don't want to be kept from living my life, with my son and this man that wants me and my son and to take care of us.

So I should just file for sole and child support...what if he fights me? Which I am 100% positive he will do... What then?

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sands3

I agree with Krista. Marry for love. My husband is a marine and gone all the time. Army deploys alot longer than marines do. You will not see him for months even a year at a time. Military life is rough and you need to make sure it's really what you want for you and your son. My brother in law was army and was deployed anywhere from 12-18 months at a time. I'm in no way trying to talk you out of anything or scare you, but he will be away tons.

loveourlittleone

@HomeBirthAdvocate I see. Thank you.

@kristaf22 I've been putting off filing for anything because he told me I'm "trash" if I file for child support. "Only trash file for child support and he takes care of his son"...his words. Which he does...but I have to look out for myself too right, as his mom. I'm not comfortable at all with him living with his dad's girlfriend 50% of the time.

I'm not considering marrying just for the Army. I do love him and I feel that he is the one for me. As a matter of fact, my son's father cheated on me with this guy's girlfriend! He is the one that told me about it. We didn't even know each other existed until that point... Some people may look at that and go "WTF" but a friend told me long ago that maybe he and I were actually "meant to be" not to get all sappy on you. Haha
I realize that military life is difficult, but I can handle it I'm sure.

sands3

I wish you luck and hope everything works out in your favor!

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armywife5

You should at least file for custody, child support is a separate court (in most states) You are his mother, they will give you custody, unless youre a shithead parent (not saying you are) If you marry into the military you are allowed to move where you husband is, he cant keep you from taking your son out of state. Unless he files for custody first. If I were you I wouldnt tell him about you getting married or the army thing until you have filed for custody. You may be obligated to him spending summers with dad and some holidays. Im an army wife with a daughter from a previous marriage. The army life is hard but yet can be very rewarding. Good luck

loveourlittleone

@armywife5 Thank you!! Do you know about being stationed overseas? Can I take my son with us then?

@sands3 @kristaf22 @HomeBirthAdvocate Thanks ladies!

CristinaLynn

You don't have a parenting plan. So legally, you can take him anywhere without having to file anything. I would file after you move to be honest. Like I said before....him not wanting to file because of child support makes it difficult for him to legally have a say in anything. Without a parenting plan, you are free to do whatever you want....but also because there is parenting plan in place...he could legally do the same.

CristinaLynn

@loveourlittleone