To my angel mommies ......
I scream but no one can hear me, I cry and no one pays attention because I hide, I'm lost and can't find my way, I lie to myself that everything is ok and I pretend I am who I used to be for a few days and then I'm back to who I've become. I have no one to turn to, I feel so helpless I pay someone to talk to twice a week and I still feel this way and I feel I never get to show her the true pain I feel. I used to be strong, I used to get everything I ever set my mind to done even if there was no hope. I fought everyday for everything I. Had and since giving up my duaghter Aniya through a failed adoption after 3 years which no is 3 years ago and lossing my son Caleb who was stillborn at 21 weeks due to an incompatend cervix which the dr was to lazy to find I am broken. I don't know where to turn to and I said I was going to delete my account but you mommies are the only ones I turn to even if I. Just troll on some of ur posts. I feel so defeted and alone, I never want to get out of bed in fear that is is a new day and ill be torn down again. My husband and I rarely see each other since he works or goes to school everyday of the week. He doing it for us, so our future can be brighter and I'm not upset at him for wanting to do so. I used to be the one always on the go, the one who always had somewhere to be and I feel left behind because I just can't get motivated enough to go. My best friends in jail, for something that happened 6yrs ago when he was 20. He was dating a girl who was 16 and pregnent. The child was not his and he stood by her side anyway for 2 yrs he treated her like a queen, became a father to her child and now since she's become a dead beat mom and the child with her parents he's in jail for a 228 offence because cps got involved. He has a yr in county and once relised has to register for the rest of his life as a sex offender. I know some of u might think that's what he deserves but I was 13 when I got together with my ex husband and he was 4 yrs older then me. We were together for almost 11yrs and had a family, had a house we loved each other and the law left us alone. My best friend in question was my light in my dark days. He'd blow up my phone to get me out of bed, pribe me with coffee or knock at my door until I couldn't stand my dogs parking anymore and let him in. He'd smile at me and say, mission accomplished and that's it. He'd sit with me and watch tv or getting me excited about going into town or playing music he plays guitar and I play drums. Since he's been locked up I've been lost, his wife is also one of my bestest friends but its not the same I try to keep her hopefull for her future with her husband who now has this recored and I hide the fact I need him too. I'm sorry I had to vent and writting to myself is not working anymore.......thank you for the time you've taken to read this.
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