I need some help

angel26

What would you ladies do if you had a child who continues to take apart the beds? My 3yo takes apart his bed and his brothers bed all day long. No matter how many times we put it back or punish him he keeps doing it. I am trying hard to think of the best way to handle him. But lets face it, im failing. I am failing at the whole thing. My oldest 2 are complete brats.

caroline8_p

Like undoing the covers? Just leave it for now.

angel26

@caroline8_p no, like taking ths matress off the box. And taking sheets off. They also are now (started today) taking the sheets and stuff out of linen closet to climb on the shelf. They take their clothes out of closet and out of dresser. They wont listen to us at all. I feel like i am lossing it. I cant control them at 5 and 3, what the hell am i going to do when their older. @wilsomom and so many others do great with their kids. And hear i am trying with everything i can, not to beat them sensless. I know i sound horrible, but its the truth. Im pretty sure with everything we have been through, that its contributing to their behavior. But i am having a horrible time trying to get them to behave.

smcox

have you tried the basics like time out and taking things away? Or maybe a reward system? chore chart for discipline? I know my friend was having a lot of issues and she started putting him in sports to burn his energy and his attitude at home started improving.

angel26

Ive tried time out, taking things away, talking, a little spank on the butt. I cant afford to put them in sports. @smcox

angel26

@smcox i have even tried rewarding them when the are good. Ive never heard of a disapline chart.

smcox

lol I wrote that wrong, I meant a chore chart like to learn discipline. are there any like free programs in your area for sports or some sort of activity? I know you work but maybe your husband can take them out to the park or some indoor activity place? I don't know where you live or if it's snowing right now but I know since it snows so much in alaska we have indoor playgrounds.

angel26

@smcox the sport activities all cost around 50 or more. And i dont understand how a chore chart would work. Ive never used one. And its snowing here in ut. Well at leadt this weekend it did. Lol. But its very cold and 2 of my kids have been sick.

smcox

http://organizingmadefun.blogspot.com/p/kids-chore-charts-and-schedules.html

http://kindertastic.blogspot.com/2011/12/light-em-up-random-act-of-kindness-for.html

http://www.busykidshappymom.org/p/life-skills.html

here's some ideas

smcox

http://hilaryishappy.blogspot.com/search/label/Everyday Life

http://www.notconsumed.com/2012/05/02/consequences-for-little-hearts/

http://suttongrace.blogspot.com/2010/01/chore-charts.html

I'm not there yet so I don't have experience but here's some ideas for discipline and another chore chart. I haven't read it yet but a lady I used to baby sit for said the book "raising your spirited child" helped her out and it was also mentioned in one of my young childhood classes I took a long time ago. Maybe you could find it at a second hand store for cheap. Sorry if this isn't helping

smcox

http://movingsmartblog.blogspot.com.au/2012/02/learning-off-energy.html?spref=fb

http://www.littlefamilyfun.com/2011/04/physical-activity-cube.html?m=1

http://handsonaswegrow.com/30-moves-for-excess-energy/

http://handsonaswegrow.com/30-moves-for-excess-energy/

http://www.mommywithselectivememory.com/p/burn-some-energy.html

some ideas on how to burn their energy for free

Wilsomom

My first thought would be to keep him with you all the time for a while so you can correct his behavior immediately. I'm going out on a limb saying this because I got accused of treating my kids like animals by saying this on another thread.

But, I think it would help. My 3 year old is currently sitting right next to me because he's been acting out really bad the last several days. I think it's because I've been gone a lot doing Christmas shopping & he's gotten away with things he doesn't usually get away with when I'm home.

It's called tomato staking & it focuses on your child's heart, not just their outward behavior. You can learn more at raisinggodlytomatoes.com. I hope that helps. Let me know.

Wilsomom

Oh, & for our reward charts I just list their daily chores down the left of the page, then each time they do it they get a sticker. 5 stickers equals a jellybean.

angel26

@smcox & @wilsomom thank you. I will try.

Wilsomom

& you are not a failure! A failure is someone who completely quits trying... I see you trying to do good all the time! :X

angel26

@wilsomom thank you. I really do try. % do feel like a failure because they are behaving so bad lately. And nothing i have done makes a difference. i will try some of those linkd though.

nameless

Sounds like they're bored..
Lots of times boredom= bad behavior.. give them something else to do.. so the will forget about taking apart the bed..
time-outs do work.. but parents give up to soon to see results.. they try.. it's hard at first.. believe me I know I have a 6 yr old.. when it comes to time outs, thats something you have to stick to no matter where you're at and how hard the kid makes it!
Just be consistent!

I know this because I went threw it! My son was amazing.. behavior was awesome! But just started being bad.. started time outs was very consistent and eventually he was behaving.. if he was bad in the store.. time-out..
Not listening.. I start counting.. walks straight into time-out.. add minutes when they are acting up while in time out.

After awhile I wasn't consistent.. I was busy doing something else to just let it go.. so now it's back to where I was..and now he's getting back to listening and behaving..
You're not a failure!!

starrxoxo9

Have you tried just ignoring it? It doesn't sound like he's doing anything harmful, so I'd just let it go. Once he pulls it all apart he can't do it again, so eventually he'll lose interest. Tessa pulls out all the plastic bowls and sometimes the pots and pans and if I keep putting them back she keeps pulling them out. So I just leave them on the floor lol. But I guess the difference is I don't think she's doing anything wrong. She's just exploring. In your case maybe he just wants some kind of attention??

angel26

They are making a fort (kindof) out of it. I guess hes not really hurting anyone, i just dont know if i should allow it or if i should punish him. Or them, cuz my 5yo helps. My daughter does that with pots and pans, we just let her be. Then she moves on.

angel26

@nameless @starrxoxo9

starrxoxo9

Honestly, punishing them for doing something fun and imaginative (in their minds) could be really damaging to their characters. I'd let them be. They're only little once.

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nameless

If that's the case.. help them build it! You wanna make you children's childhood memories happy! Not.. I was always in trouble ..
W/you helping you can take some control back and make during a certain time of the day.. like a reward type thing.. give them chores then after they're done.. build a fort together..and put away together

Wilsomom

If boredom is the case, then I'd definitely give him something to build a fort with! And do it with him & have fun. I would not, however, let him do it with his bed. If you were at a friends house & he started tearing their child's bed apart just because he was bored would that be acceptable? If he got into your make up & started drawing on the walls because he was bored, would that be acceptable? You don't want to confuse him by making it ok to tear up the furniture just because he wants to make a fort. Know what I mean?

JoshnEviesmum

My son went through a really destructive phase at around three. He used to grab everything from the fridge and smear it all over the beds, walls, floor etc. Somebody at the time told me he needed a creative outlet so I made him a patch in the garden where he could make as much mess as he wanted. It helped. I know your situation is a little different, but perhaps if you give him somewhere that he can make/build stuff, it may help. Also, I've used a plank of wood with some tacks for him to hammer in (supervised) as he liked creating things... he just needed his creativity to be channelled in the right direction.

angel26

Ok, thank you all. That helps alot. I will try that. I have just the right sheet. I even have puffy glue they can decorate it with.

sehra4177

Oh boy sounds like my son. He rips his shirt off and says he is the hulk and growls. Then starts taking apart his bed, he has even lifted it up and moved it across the room. It's one of those toddler beds. It's annoying. He hasn't done it for about two weeks now...seems like it was a phase. We would sing the cleanup song and he would then clean up.

Math_Mommy

Do you typically structure their day w/ a mix of physical and "down-time" type activities? My 3 year old was acting out when he didn't get to do what he wanted. So, I started planning my kids' day the night before. Now when they wake up, I tell them what the agenda is for the next hour or two (eg. breakfast, teeth, clothes, trampoline, play-dough). As the day goes on I remind them of what we're doing next (eg. Trampoline, play-dough, outside, books). My son requires quite a bit of reminding. But, it keeps the tantrums and other bad behavior at bay!

smcox

Let us know how it goes!

perly

How much time do you spend with them in a day? Sometimes, kids try to play in a disrupting manner because they are bored and would like to get your attention. Figure out activities that can be done together and that they can do by themselves. Also incorporate them into things that can be done around the house that is easy to do and that will be fun to do. Remember to always praise them when they are doing something positive, whether they helped you successfully on a certain task or if they are being nice to each other. And like someone else said, BE CONSISTENT. That is key to successful disciplining.

Math_Mommy

Oh, our pedi said that the 3 most stressful events for toddlers (making them the most likely to regress or act out) are parental separation/loosing a parent, birth of a sibling, and moving. I think I remember you saying that you just moved a few months ago... Maybe they are just responding to the change in living situation? If so (and as long as you are consistant), it will pass! Try to get them involved in the making of their beds. Your 5 year old is old enough to have a sense of pride in his work, and therefor may monitor the actions of the 3 year old in effort to not have his work destroyed while you aren't looking.