Now He Has Doubts!!

edited January 2013 in Relationships
I don't get it. One minute he's a little excited about having a baby then all of a sudden. "It cost $50,000 dollars to raise a baby from newborn to 18yrs old." "We're not ready." "We're not financially ready." "Its not gonna work out." "We don't make enough." "How are we gonna take care of a baby?" "What are we going to do?" He even suggested the "A" word.

I don't know where the doubt came from. It just came out of the blue to me.

Now because I don't share the same doubt as him. He's all mad. Saying we need to talk but he's not saying anything. Just long pauses. So I get back on my tablet. Then he huffs and puffs. I understand everything he is saying, but I just don't feel the same. So now he left the room to sleep in another room. I right now could really care less.

I tried explaining my reasons as to why I don't have as much doubt as him, but he didn't want to hear it. So... Its whatever at the moment.
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Comments

  • Totally a guy thing I think. Finding out they're going to be a father is very stressful because they usually think about the long term financial responsibilities first. Hopefully he'll come around once he starts feeling the baby move & it becomes more real to him. As far as him mentioning the a word & sleeping in another room....that's pretty selfish imo.
  • edited January 2013
    @Wilsomom The A word and adoption came up. I said no to both. I get that he's scared. I'm a little scared too. I'm not going to let it get to me. I think about the long term too and how I'm going to have to give up a lot of things.

    I just don't get how the switch flipped so quick. Then bringing up the "A" word and I forgot to mention "Well you're period is only 4 days late, you still have time for her to come." My period last 6 days. What the hell?

    Who is this person?
  • edited January 2013
    [/DELETED]
  • Im pretty sure its like a quick panic. Give him time just get his hand and put it on your belly and tell him that in there is a piece of him and you. And that no matter what y'all are going to love it and its going to grow to a beautiful baby♡♥ calm him down....now if he keeps on just put your foot down n tell him that even if he has to work extra yall are going to have this baby.
    Goodluck girl♡♥ I hope things work out. And keep us updated.
  • Don't pay that much attention to it. He'll come around. I mean you both have been trying for so long, it probably started to seem impossible for him. He is probably just nervous and doesn't know how to let it sink in. Let him sleep in the other room for tonight and tomorrow when things are a little more calm, let him know everything will be ok.
    This is something you've wanted for so long, and its time to finally enjoy it. Take it easy, and don't let it get to you.
  • @CANT_WAIT93 He's gonna get all the time he needs. I tried explaining to him. No one is really financially ready for a baby and all we can do is start saving up money.

    If he keeps on I am gonna put my foot down and if that doesn't stop him. I guess I'm going to be a single parent.
  • @perly that's what I'm doing now. He left and I didn't care to chase him. Right now I'm just so pissed off. I'm gonna wait and see how things are tomorrow if nothing has changed. Then I don't know.
  • @veevee it'll be ok. Everyone gets cold feet when it comes to something new, especially pregnancy. Calm down and get some rest. Being this worked up is not good for you or the baby.
  • everything with come together he's just having a panic attack
  • My husband did the same exact thing when we found out I was pregnant took him a couple days to let it sink in and he was excited....but it was a couple days of fighting and I just tried to ignore him as much as possible and not to stress. I even told him I was perfectly fine doing this by myself if he didn't want to. So hopefully he comes around sooner then mine did you don't need the stress!
  • I'm confused... Weren't u guys ttc? So he wanted u to get pregnant and now that u r he is suprised? Guys r dumb. Maybe he just needs a minute to breath. First baby is scary for everyone. Nothing gives him a right to talk about abortion to u tho. That's just too far. I'm sure his head will clear soon and all will b ok. If not, don't let him ruin ur pregnancy. Enjoy it and relax. I'm sure he will come around.
  • We were married 14 years and my husband wanted kids from day one. I said no way I never want them. When I got preggers my husband looked like he was trying to give blood (he can't bc they always think. e is going to pass out) then he turned into an ass for a couple weeks. He finally stopped when I said f it I leaving to have an abortion. After 14 years I told him we would get a divorce if I went to have an abortion.

    First it takes more than 50, 000, but tell him to divide that by 18 its less than 3, 000 a year. For us the first year was the hardest bc of the pay cut, and the added expense. If you bf you the biggest Everyday expense is diapers.
  • Yes we were TTC.

    I have calmed down and so has he, but he is still on the money kick. I tried telling him about the money and dividing it. It wasn't clicking with him. I even told him we could try for WIC, which he doesn't even know what that is and when I tried to explain it was kind of like government assistance for babies, he thought I was lying.

    He goes on to say I'm irresponsible, because I was late paying my cellphone bill. He was talking about it seems like he's the only one doing stuff, he's talking about its gonna be one-sided, because he makes the most money out of the both of us. He's making it seem like I'm the selfish one and irresponsible one.

    He even brought up custody and child support. Saying if I don't start saving up by the time the baby comes he's suing me for custody and child support. I almost snapped.

    I told him you would never get the child just because you make more money than me. You're the one who is not ready. You're the selfish one. When things don't go your way you're ready to threw a bitch fit. When people don't listen to him he gets mad and goes all in his silent treatment ignoring people. Oh wow I missed a payment on my cellphone bill. I'm soooo irresponsible.

    Things aren't looking up.
  • Doesn't he plan on staying w u? He's talking like u r breaking up. He needs to change his attitude. Hmmm... I hope he snaps out of this quick. Hang in there and try to relax and not stress because stress isn't good for u right now.
  • Make am appointment at you local wic office now. That way if you qualify he can see that its real. Remember tho if you don't qualify now the income limits will change after the baby comes. He kind of sounds like a little kid throwing a fit.
  • Give him a few days. We were ttc for a year and when I told my husband he did not respond like I had thought he was. He was VERY quiet and didnt believe it really. After our first dr apt he was like a little kid telling people before I could. Also, he stressed over the money too but here was no reason to at all! Lol. I think it's just very overwhelming for them at first. Try not to fight with him and try to stay positive.
  • Maybe he will start been ok with it after he sees the first ultrasound or feels the baby's first move, I'm pissed that you guys were trying to concieve for so long and now he is been an asshole , I hope he is just freaking out and doesn't know how to act.. It sucks that he is talking like he is going to leave you , hopefully it will pass soon. Try not to stress or be upset that's the last thing you need right now .
  • Are you guys married? If not then you should be able to qualify for WIC. It is a life saver, saves about $200 if not MORE a month. Some offices are nicer than others. I go to one by my house and they will help you out, I live in Chicago too so let me know if u want to know the location.
  • Wait, so let me see if I am following this correctly; he wants to split up because you want to keep the baby you BOTH were trying for..... Then he is going to make sure he gets custody of said baby.

    Umm, I don't know your whole relationship story so I am probably wrong but are you sure all of this is over the baby?
  • Alot of men go through this, even if its something that they wanted to begin with...ttc becomes such a dream after a while like u don't really think your gonna be PG right away so alot if people freak... I know we tried so hard to get PG the first time that I focused so much on getting pregnant and not the actual outcome so when I found out I was actually PG I flipped out, screamed, cried for days...I was terrified!! Luckily my husband laughed at me and was supportive because I snapped out of it..... have u ever seen the movie "she's having a baby" with Kevin Bacon? Watch it!
  • edited January 2013
    I love that movie.

    He doesn't want to leave me and its more about money. We talked it out. He says he doesn't want us to struggle. He apologized about the abortion and period comment. I'm still pissed off at him.

    He still trying to save face right now, apologizing for everything, and he's now thinking of ways we won't struggle. I will admit it is kind of funny how he went from a dick to apologizing like crazy. He even googled WIC and thought about applying for LINK. Which I already did.

    I'm still ticked off and I'm not letting this go. And it's fun watching him gravel. I think I'll let him gravel for a while before I accept his apology.

    The custody and child support comment really pissed me and he knew it and that's when the apologies and explanations came in.
  • I would be very upset too since it takes two and he obviously knew what was happening this whole time. I want to say I think his just freaking out a little and sounds like he will get over it but that's no reason to say those kinds of things. I'm sorry u had to deal with it. But I hope everything works out! How are u feeling by the way?
  • @jules I'm okay for now. I have calmed down more. A little nauseous from the prenatal vitamins.
  • My vitamins made me sick so I ended up switching u can try that. Do u have doc apt set up yet or is it to early
  • Nexs plus are good but about 100 bucks a month without insurance
  • I think its typical guy thing. My fiancee was like that when I got pregnant with our first. Happy then scared. I admit I was scared too. The second we planned and the third definitely not planned...and with the third I was doubting we could handle it. He is the one who talked me up and pulled doubt out of my head. So, its a very scary thing. My daughter is almost nine, my second is 3 tomorrow and the littlest is 9 mos. I don't regret any of them and love them more than life itself. It's funny bc last weekend was the 3 yr olds first sleepover at nana and pop pops and my fiancee kept saying he missed him. Babies can be a life changing experience but also can bring out feelings of doubt and personal doubt of how good a parent you'll be. I still question myself especially with my daughter bc my.mom wasn't the best at being there for me and I always worry I'll fail as a mom.
  • You can get wic for yourself now while your pg. (if you qualify) If you can find it in your heart to forgive him it'll actually make you feel better rather than holding on to anger. That doesn't mean he should get by with saying that stuff though.
  • I didn't read all the comments but its totally normal for guys to act all weird.. he'll come around when the baby starts to kick. (Hopefully.) If you guys work or at least one of you work you can do it! Andy lost his job when we found out we were expecting and didn't get one until a year later. I qualified for wic and our parents helped us out a lot. Plus, the baby shower we got a lot and I learned how to coupon and got around 100 tubes of a&d for .34 cents each :) it will work out for you guys!
  • @mommylovessparkle how did you get thatmany tubes for so cheap? Actually a & d brand? And what the heck do you use them all for lol.
  • edited January 2013
    I don't hold grudges so I forgave him. So far its kind of back to normal. We had a nice long talk before I went to work. There is still doubt and I can live with that. I'm waiting for my confirmation and my medical card to make my appointment for the doctor. Once that is all done I'm applying for WIC. My job said I have to wait 9 more months before my insurance kicks in, that's why applying for the medical card.

    I don't get men though. Do they not think we are scared just like them.
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