Anyone who has gone through parenting plan throught the court? Can he do this??

  • rjr33rjr33 May 2013

    I filed for a parenting plan. And my ex filed a reply and he served me papers physically himself. Isn't he suppose to have someone else serve me? Will his request be considered or is it not legal because he didnt serve me properly?

  • perlyperly May 2013

    Do you have a lawyer? Every state works differently when it comes to custody and visitation rights. And every case is different from someone else's. If you have a lawyer, take the papers your ex gave you and have him/her read them and then advice you on what your next best step is.

  • perlyperly May 2013

    I know im not much help, but only a professional can accurately answer this and any other question you may have. Besides, if you're gonna put money into settling a visitation/custody/parenting plan, you want to make sure you're not making any mistakes and throwing your money away especially because this could take a while to get settled.

  • julesjules May 2013

    She's right it depends on the state. However the paperwork should have directions and explanation on what exactly u need to do next. people can serve themselves it just gives the respondent more time.

  • rjr33rjr33 May 2013

    I had him served with papers. Then he as the respondent had to reply and he did but paperowrk says someone over 18 who is not a person in the party has to serve the other person. I am in wa state. I am just wondering what happends now. Since he did not follow legal protocol if they just throw his paperwork out. I am going to see a family facilitator tomorrow to see what my next step is. I hate this. :( thank you both.

  • Not allowed!! Its the same here in Oregon as well.

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  • I just went thru the custody and visitation process and you are not supposed to serve the papers ... and like the other comment say get a lawyer!!!

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  • perlyperly May 2013

    @rjr33 see the reason i tell you to get a lawyer is because my brother started off like you, just trying to figure out a parenting agreement in which he got his daughter the days he wanted but still had shared custody for her. After 2 years and A LOT of money thrown away (because all the consultants and family facilitators kept sending him in circles) he got a lawyer and had everything done in less than a year and spent less money than the amount he originally put it in and went to waste.

    If he would've gotten a lawyer from the beginning, he would've saved himself a lot of time and money. Please get yourself a lawyer. If your ex has a lawyer or happens to get one before you do, this case can easily turn in his favor.

  • rjr33rjr33 May 2013

    I guess he is allowed to "reply" as the respondent and serve me himself. I went to the court today to check. I am so scared they are going to give him what he wants. In my parenting plan I said he could have her sunday morning to Monday night. He wants her sun morning to monday morning and then Tuesday morning to Wednesday morning. My daughter is only 8 months old. She has lived with me since she was born. Up until now he would get her one niggt a week and during the day on his other day off. I filed for a parenting plan because he decided to not bring her home one day when he said he was and not tell me where she was. I think him having her two overnights like that separated is not good for her. :( I go to court Friday. I hope the judge sees that. It is for a temporary plan until a final hearing which isn't for like a year.

  • Eek slow process there Im sorry :( you might be ok if there's nothing against you he can prove in court..i have been there done that.

    "Midwives see birth as a miracle and only mess with it if there's a problem; doctors see birth as a problem and if they don't mess with it, it's a miracle!"--Barbara Harper
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  • rjr33rjr33 May 2013

    There is nothing against me and I'm not trying to keep him from her but two nights a week like that at this age is too much. I feel like him taking her sun to mon night is too much but I want her to have time with him. I just hope the judge sees that. I am so terrified. :( I also worry about the holidays. I want my daughter christmas mornings. I deserve that. My ex walked out on us. I said in my parenting plan he could have her christmas night. That's how we did her first holiday. We just split the day. Ughh I hate this. :( @bahamamama4828

  • julesjules May 2013

    Ya that's what I was saying the are allowed to respond just gives you more time. And honestly it's hard and I have step daughter but trust me in long run it's important for the child to be with both parents unless his not fit to take care of her there shouldn't be reason why he can't have her half the time. It's hard to look past what he has done IM sure however when it comes to court and what's best for the child they do not care about personal issues between the parents. As long as child has a room with safe bedding and food and clothe and his taking care of her feeding her taking care of her even when she's sick and he can provide for her financially that's what they are looking for. He also has to have good safe transportation for her. I'm very sorry you have to go through all this I'll be praying for you! It will be ok all this just takes time.

  • I'm not trying to scare or shock you, but my friend just is going through this. The dad physically assaulted her, raped her and was accused of doing drugs. They awarded 50/50 until the permanent hearing in June. My advice...get a lawyer. The best you can find.

  • *assaulted my friend the mom. Not the kid.

  • perlyperly May 2013

    I don't want to sound mean or heartless, but you are approaching this the wrong way. Like @jules said, personal problems or feelings will not be considered in court. The judge is looking for the best interest of your child and as long as the father is fit to care for your daughter as much as you are, he will more than likely get the visitation he's requesting if not more.

    I know your mother instinct is causing you to freak out, but unless there's a reason why you shouldn't trust him with her, you should really consider being a little more fair with him when it comes to this visitation. Its very hard and scary, but he's the father and he has as much right as you do. If he's interested in being involved in her life that much, you should allow it as long as it doesn't interfere with her time with you (basically as long as you have the same amount of time with her).

  • rjr33rjr33 May 2013

    I am willing to give him a night and 2 whole days. I have just as good of a chance at getting what I want as he does right? It's just a temporary plan until our final hearing in a year. I work too and have a schedule. Will they just side with him cuz he has sun and tues off work or does that not matter?

  • rjr33rjr33 May 2013

    I want him to have time with her. He has been seeing her once a night and day since he moved out. All of a sudden cuz I filed he is being an ass about it. I don't think it is in the best interest of my daughter for her to bounce back and fourth like that. She would spebd the night with him then come home then go there the next day. That is ridiculous to me.

  • perlyperly May 2013

    It depends on the judge. Some judges will grant a schedule that allows both parents to have the same amount of time with the child. Some judges will side with the parent that is being more reasonable. And some judges will do whatever they feel like doing that day. It really just depends on the judge.

  • perlyperly May 2013

    I really do hope that everything works out for all 3 of you because this is really time consuming and stressful. Hopefully, the judge will see you point of view and give you the schedule you request.

  • rjr33rjr33 May 2013

    I feel like my parenting plan is not unreasonable. Its what he has been getting. Idk I hope it works out. :( split days would just be so much harder.

  • I don't think his parenting request is reasonable to be split like that with only a day in between. Better to have her Sunday to Tuesday or just two straight days and nights during the week. The judge will most likely grant it like that.

  • perlyperly May 2013

    Oh no, im not saying your plan is unreasonable! Im sorry if it sounded that way. I was just trying to explain that you could be granted a schedule that allows you and him to have the same amount of time with her and that may mean a few more days or nights than you would like.

  • julesjules May 2013

    Having her only one night and 2 days is nothing. You have to remember that there are seven days in a week so what's best for the child is 50/50 so he should be able to have 3 1/2 days of the weeks. And most likely they will go off of the work schedules make it easier and less problems and stress which always can be felt and seen by the child. U have to remember they do this all day everyday and family judge has passion for this stuff and like I said unless his dangerous or working 24/7 they will give each parent half time. And they would normally make it without that small break inbetween however ur ex seems like his thinking about ur daughter he could technically ask for Sunday to Tuesdays or wed and during his work hours she would be in day care. But his thinking she has mother that's off work during that time so it's best for her to be with her mother then stranger. I understand it's very hard because that mother instinct kicks in but in time you will see it's good thing for her to have relationship with her dad unless u want her to have daddy issues. Children need both their parents and sucks that now days many relationships don't work out but it's the judges job to make it as right and what's healthy for child as possible. I'm adopted and knew my biological parents very well. And I love my adopted parents and IM blessed to have them. However I will always wonder where I would have been weather it's good or bad IM curious. And more so I wish they could see the wonderful things and family I am blessed with. You don't want your daughter to ever feel incomplete or wonder. She needs to know no matter what her parents will always love her and be there for her. And until were older the only way to connect that is physical contacts and quality time. I think u just need to sleep on it. Don't take it personal, and try to think longer term, continue to pray about it and although it will always be hard God can give you peace. Sounds like you're overwhelmed right now. It will all be ok, just one day at a time.

  • rjr33rjr33 May 2013

    I just have so much anger towards him for leaving me and my daughter and already having a new gf.I am just still heheartbroken. I know I need to just let my anger go and move on. I wanna be happy again but this has been so difficult for me. I asked him if he wanted to meet and try one more time to come up with a schedule together. I guess I am ok him having her two nights a week. I know he is a good dad. I just have so much built up anger. And my mommy side just wants my daughter to myself. I'm having such a difficult time letting go I guess. My daughter was planned.We were together four years and he just up and leaves us when she was a month old. And after only a few months he is already with someone living with her. Just sad and angry. :'( I know he is not the man that I am suppose to be with.. I know I have a soulmate somewhere out there. It just hurts he has moved on so quickly. I wanna let go so bad. Thanks for your girls thoughts. I am suppose to meet up with him tomorrow to talk about a compromise on the parenting plan. Hopefully we can just agree on something. :'(

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this, when I thought I was leaving my husband I stressed out, there's no way I wanted her to spend the night, he wouldn't have woken up when she cried, he's such a heavy sleeper. Luckily we worked things out, but I could imagine =((
    I hope ya'll can agree on something that you're both semi ok with. Good luck girl!

  • perlyperly May 2013

    @jules is completely right.
    This is hard. And you have every right to feel the way you do, because when he left he didn't only kill the hopes and dreams of what your relationship could've been but also the family you could've been. That's something very hard to experience because it hits you on an emotional level. But in all honesty, he walked out of the relationship, not your daughter. If i remember right, he's been seeing her since he left. Now a days, guys are dead beats. They go around having kids and then they disappear. Be glad he's not like that. Be glad that even though he has a new partner, that he has chosen to be father first then a man. Take satisfaction in knowing that no matter how many woman cross his path, his first priority is his daughter.
    I come from a broken marriage. I was a planned child. But there was emotional abuse, and after 10 years of dealing with it, my mom left. My dad was so angry that he did everything under the sun to hurt my mom, and that affected my brother and i. My brother and i don't have that good of a relationship, and im still working on keeping my sanity and not going off on my dad for everything he did because thanks to his actions i basically didn't have a childhood.
    I know your case is not like my parents, but it just goes to show that letting your anger take the best of you doesn't end right. Look for help if you feel you need it. Seek co-parenting classes or something you both can do together so that you learn how to reach agreements and basically be on the same page for your daughter. It'll really help. And trust me, you're not alone. There are many people here you can talk to that are going through the same thing.

    Hopefully you'll both reach an agreement today and things will start looking up for you :)
    (sorry for the book)

  • julesjules May 2013

    Is there reason u think you're daughter is not safe with him? His home? His car? I don't remember the whole story of what happened but u think she will be in good safe environment?

  • @rjr33 I'm in Tacoma, and have been through the ringer with divorce and parenting plans. If you need any advice or supoort I'm here! :-)

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  • candy101candy101 May 2013

    I did not read everyone's comments but @perly @jules are right you could end up with 50/50. If he is a good father wanting to spend time with hisbaby it is not for you to stop him.

    My cousin just got 50/50 with her ex and he was released from jail 1-2 years ago. be thankful u feel safe leaving her with him.

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