ADVICE NEEDED..........

Roxy

long story short I notice my wine bottle missing my sister and mother are the only ones that have been at my house besides my husband but any ways my mom or sister would go to my house to baby sit my son so I figured my sis would take it I send a text to sister sry for bad language

ME: hey
SISTER: hey sissy
ME: u take my wine bottle
SISTER:yea
ME:y
no response
ME: Dnt want u ever at my house again I hope it was worth it
SISTER:Omg u act like I take other shit it was just a bottle like ur gonna drink
ME:Wtf r u serious u took my shit wtf is ur problem u think u can just take people's shit
SISTER:Cause I was n depression mood

I left it like that ladies I'm hurt like not because over a wine bottle but really I can't trust her at all any more I feel betrayed do u guys think I'm over reacting how do I know she hasn't took anything eles and for her to think its OK she never even said she was sry I'm so done with her

monkey_girl

I don't know, but for me it's not a big deal. In my family if anyone comes over your house, especially to babysit, (do you a favor) everything is up for grabs. Like food and beverages. Maybe she should have told you, but I don't think its that big of a deal where you need to cut her out your life. If it was clothes, jewelry, ect. than that's a different story.

Roxy

@monkey_girl I see what u mean but in my case its like she was stealing it y did she had to hide it while she walked out my house if she didn't think it was a big deal y not mention it or ask. this was not just a beverage to us we never have wine bottles this was given to us we wanted to try it but never got the time to. my husband is also so mad we r shocked and disappointed we trusted her. like I mention before its not the fact its a bottle its the point that she stolen something from are house. and if she felt if she had to hide it she knew she was n her wrong its been over a month I berly found this missing like really ugh

ExcitedForOctober

I agree with @monkey_girl. I would have preferred if she asked but I wouldn't make that big a deal. If it was money or jewelry would be a different story.

natashalynn

I'd be pretty upset, because it to me would be a betrayal of trust, but it is just wine. id be more upset that told her I was upset and she shrugged it off.

starrxoxo9

I'd be mad too. Stealing is stealing, even if it's a penny. However, I'd be more concerned about the fact that she felt so desperate to drink due to "depression" that she had to steal from her own sister. That's a big red flag if she was serious.

perly

I'm kinda in the middle. Yeah she stole the bottle and the problem is that stole from you, but then again what she stole was only a bottle of wine. In my opinion, I would not get all worked up. I would talk to her and tell her exactly what you feel. Tell her that you're mad because she took an item from your home without asking and that to you is stealing. Tell her how much you trust her and that if she keeps taking stuff without asking, then you won't be able to trust her anymore. But don't lose trust in her over a bottle of wine. I know it was a gift, and you were looking forward to drinking it with your husband but not having it won't change your life dramatically.

And also listen to what she has to say. If she really had to steal the bottle because she was depressed then there's obviously a bigger problem here...,

jules

Well I kinda get dramatic with my thighs my entire family would ask first just to be nice..However if they just took food or wine or if they borrowed something and forgot and I asked them and they told me the truth like your sister did which they would. It's not like they would ever try to be sneaky I wouldn't be upset at all..if they borrow I know they will give back and with small stuff like that I wouldn't even expect them to buy me another one just bc we do and share stuff for each other and with each other all the time. My home is their home . I mean you know her best and maybe there's history with that kind of thing. I personally would not be upset.

adri805

She didn't just open the bottle and have a glass if wine....she took the whole damn bottle. Yeah that's her sister so y couldn't she just tell her look sister would u mind if I had this bottle if wine? Just the fact that she should have let her know beforehand.

Roxy

@ExcitedForOctober
@natashalynn
@starrxoxo9
@perly
@jules
@adri805
THANK YOU ALL FOR UR ADVICE. THIS STILL DOESN'T CHANGE MY MIND ON HOW I FEEL. MAYBE CAUSE I KNOW HER AND WAT I HAVE DONE FOR HER TO HELP HER. ITS MORE THAT SHE TOOK FROM MY HOUSE. THIS CHANGES THINGS ALOT ALL MY LIFE LIVING IN MY MOMS HOUSE EVERY ONE WOULD ALWAYS GET INTO MY THINGS OR STEAL FROM ME. IT MIGHT OF NOT BEEN THE MOST EXPENSIVE STUFF BUT THEY WERE MY THINGS. IT DESTROYED ME WHEN I GOT OLDER NOW I DNT AND CANT TRUST PEOPLE WITH MY STUFF. AND TO GO THREW THIS AGAIN WITH HER. WERE NOT KIDS ANY MORE SHES A GROWN WOMEN. THIS JUST DNT SEEM RIGHT TO ME. HER SAYING SHE WAS DEPRESSION THERES NO EXCUSE TO WHAT SHE DID. IF SHE WASN'T STEALING IT THEN Y SHE HAD TO HIDE IT SO I CANT SEE IT. THANK U LADIES FOR UR ADVICE

ExcitedForOctober

Noone is saying not to be mad or hurt, but I think telling her you never want her in your house is too extreme. Maybe she was too embarrassed to ask u for it, not saying its an excuse but I would be the bigger person and tell my sister " look what you did wasn't cool and it hurt me so if u ever need anything all you have to do is ask.

monkey_girl

Good luck! I hope everything turns out okay for you. I agree with the other ladies you should talk to her and tell her what is and what is not acceptable for you. She probably doesn't think it's a big deal because she didn't deny it. Have a serious talk with her and if she does it again, then you really know she doesn't care or respect you.

perly

Well see, you should've said that people have betrayed you before by taking your things without asking and now that she did this its making you feel the way you felt when others did that.... We're all saying its not a big deal because you didn't tell us that part of the story.

In that case, i would still talk to her and tell her why it upset you so much that she took the bottle. Like said before, the actual bottle is not the problem, the problem is that she stole the bottle. You need to tell her about your problem with people stealing from you in the past and how that affects you now so that she can understand you and why you feel the way you do. She might already know that this happened to you, but until you express to her how this has affected you she will continue thinking its not a big deal (the way we were also thinking). Only way to fix this is communication.

Hot2Cold87

I think you over reacted as to how you handled the situation. I have a sister maybe I need a headband, I'm going to take a headband! Money anything of real value I would never take w/o asking but to me something so small would not make my sister fly off the hinges. The last thing I would think is my SISTER would hate me forever for taking her headband. But...that is my family. If you just have this internal fear of people taking your things and this is the first incident as ADULTS maybe you could have been a little more clear as to why you felt so hurt. You instantly said don't ever come to my house again EVER!! Really? Your sister handled that awesomely b/c wrong or right there are appropriate ways to talking to a person. You didn't even think your own sister was worth an explanation b4 you kicked her out y'all life. JMO because even though we bumped heads when we were younger I would never do that to my sister just seems harsh. Is she your older or younger sister? I think y'all should talk and you just tell her how you feel.

jules

Well like I was saying you know her better and you know the history that's why I originally and still say its upsetting not cool..however I think maybe the fact that when you asked her she was honest to me personally shows she wasn't trying to steal. She just didn't think about it in that way and yes that was her bad she should have asked not cool. And her being honest about the depression tells me that she might have thought she would be judged if she were to ask for an entire bottle and may have gotten a negative response like who needs an entire bottle to themselves. Looks like that's what she was trying to avoid. It's not an excuse but maybe that can help with seeing what she might have been thinking. And I'm sorry that your family did that it obviously didn't leave positive effect. I hope one day you can work through trusting peoole. I had same issues my sister used my stuff without asking and never took care of it but I know now that I way overreacted bc she wasn't trying to be disrespectful and she's my sister family I would give or do anything for them just like they have for me. And I've had I lot terrible things happen to me before I was adopted that had negative effect but in last 4 years I have taken all those experiences and used it to make myself stronger better person I try at least lol. I think for now you both need time. And maybe in time you can talk to her tell her exactly why it bothered you why you told her and not comfortable for her to be in your home. I'm sure you want the best for her and your relationship. And she needs to know that you need to see positive actions. And sounds like she needs you right now as well..I'm not sure what's going on with her but just the fact that she's speaking out about being depressed can be dangerous. The last thing she needs its too feel pushed away who knows what she could do to herself. Is it really worth it? You two need each other you to trust others more, and she just needs some love and attention and support with whatever she is going through so she doesn't harm herself or others. Like I said I don't know thes situation and it may not be that serious but not with losing family to find out..I hope you don't feel judged I'm not judging or have the room to. But I hope you guys can work it out

Frantastic

I'd be upset too because its the point that she took something, without asking, and then hide it. There's a difference between a head band and a bottle of wine. Especially if it was an expensive bottle. Stealing is never ok and her taking it because she was depressed is not an excuse.

Hot2Cold87

@Frantastic clearly I could have used a bottle of wine that wasn't the point my point was that we do things to siblings not to be malicious but more so because we think its ok not saying it is. I said headband bc I'm usually guilty of that one. And answer this for me what's the difference?

Frantastic

What's the difference between a bottle of wine and a head band? Well cost for one. Some wines can be very expensive. Even if they are sisters it's never ok to steal someone's property. Taking a $100 bottle of wine is no different than taking $100 out of someone's purse.

Hot2Cold87

@frantastic ok so if I was hurt about someone "stealing" who cares about the price is it more acceptable to steal a headband? To me it is pretty much the same neither is worth losing a sister. Common sense isn't always common I just think they could have communicated better because they are sisters. And to most people that is a big differences but ok.

starrxoxo9

@hot2cold87 The difference between a headband and a bottle of wine is that the headband can be returned, therefore it's more like borrowing instead of stealing. You can't return a bottle of wine after you drink it. Also, did you sneakily take the headband? Or did you just put it on and walk out? Her sister made sure she didn't know she was taking it and just walked out with it. Say the wine cost $20. Would it be ok if she just took $20 from her wallet? I agree that it's not worth ending a relationship over but she has every right to be upset and feel betrayed and violated. More so BECAUSE it's her sister and you should be able to trust them over anyone.

Hot2Cold87

@starrxoxo9 well yea true lol! I would never take someone's money not even my enemy maybe she has a bill to pay, doctors visit or needs gas desperately idk but taking wine is not going to cost you any harm not saying it's okay just being open minded as to how her sister might have felt clearly her intentions were not to hurt her sister but unfortunately it did I think its fine to be mad I just look at it as its your sister why not say that taking my stuff made me feel like this...don't take anything else no matter how small you THINK it is because I'm not going to like it. I mean she didn't lie she could have said what wine if she was just trying to be deceiving so I just thought it was harsh how it ended it made me sad because I have sisters and I have experienced these things only my brother was the thief/borrower lol but when you lose one everything seems so petty.