Custody question, what rights does the father have?

edited April 2011 in Single moms
My babies father is no longer in the picture. He has been insensitive, angry & controlling towards me this entire pregnancy. He keeps saying he will help financially but has not bought her 1 thing or helped me with bills. He thinks I am doing things for her behind his back, but I look at it as just handling what needs to be done since I have done everything myself so far meaning me looking for her pediatrician, day care etc. he is now telling me he plans to take me to court for full custody! Can anyone give me advice as far as.what I can do now before she's here to keep her? Do I give her my name? Leave him off dedicate? I have no idea, I need help!
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Comments

  • Unless you are unstable or a psycho addict you will have full custody, dont worry thts wat all guys say to try and scare us mommies but it wont happen.
  • First off, give her your name. Imo kids who's main parent is mom and dad is half assed should have the mothers name. If you want child support put him on the birth certificate. After that the courts/judge will decide visitation. No man gets full custody EVER unless mom gives it up or is a raging crackhead with recent record. And with a newborn a judge ismt gonna gi e overniggts
  • Me personally as soon as she's born I'd go get full custody...wen baby is born no one has custody...I'd actually strt taking the steps now like goin to family court and cn wat u hav to do to gain full custody...n wat steps to take aftr u hav gained custody bcuz he may try to fite u on this...Idk this is my first but I do kno tht no one has custody at birth
  • I didnt think he gets any rights unless his name is on your babys birth certificate. Idk tho just what I heard.
  • First of all this is not the correct forum to get legal advice. I will strongly suggest you get legal advice from a lawyer or competent source. Second, you need to think that the baby is as much his as it is yours. Some of the advice here is totally wrong. The courts will give custody to whoever is the best parent over all, if both can prove they are good parents joint custody is a reasonable option. Third, your relationship with him has nothing to do with the relationship with his daugther - unless he is being abusive to you and you fear he might be abusive to the child. If he want to be in her life, do not obstruct it - or you might end up loosing custody. Money should also not be a factor here. Both have the same duty to support and care for the baby. The biggest factor is the well being of the child. Regarding the name, unless she doesn't have a known father she should carry her father's name. She does have a father who want to be in her life, do not make her go thru life as if she was a bastard with no father. I understand that you want to keep custody, and that is a good sign. But why not joint custody? Again be fair and do not try to separate her from her father. Ask your lawyer what alienation means, you can even loose custody if you try to do that!
  • He will have shared parental rights and responsibilities. He has rights to his child that are protected by the constitution. You can fight to have his rights terminated if there is evidence to support it. Seek an opinion from a lawyer or Google the laws for your state. Even prison inmates get visitation with their kids. Good luck. I fought this battle with my first.
  • @tlg81 Document EVERYTHING! For your protection and benefit in the future...do ur research on your state laws and try to contact a professional for advice on things u can and can't do. But if you havnt had her yet u might want to do ur research just so that u are prepared b4 u act on it..u never kno what can happen when she comes. Mayb he'll be there once reality sets in..not sticking up for him, just sayin...being pregnant and having the baby are 2 totally different things, especially in a mans eyes! My sons father hasn't ever been in the picture and I wouldn't have it any other way. However, even tho I hated him with a passion I gave him the benefit of the doubt and he didn't change..like I said tho I wouldn't have it any other way! Every situation is different but I wish u the best of luck! (I would definitely give her your last name tho!)
  • The father has more rights then ladies think,if your an unfit mother he has to prove that to get full custody other wise it will be 50/50 or visitation
  • I wouldn't give her his name or put his name on there. He has to ask for rights then.... he can't get full custody without proving you unfit....
  • @blessed1: i totally agree with you.
  • I am surprised at the amount of horrible advice in here! Trying to separate them from the beginning and negating him of his right from the beginning is not the right thing to do, if he wants to be in her life. BTW, I recently had a court case where not giving the little boy his father’s last name and not including him on the birth certificate was the first thing brought up in court to prove alienation. The court will prefer if the parents can reach a joint custody agreement. If that can not be accomplished custody is awarded to whoever can be best for the child, period! Being the father or being the mother.
  • There are a few things that you need to think about. Please get help from an actual lawyer. There are ones that will do free consultations.
    The first thing is the name. IF you want you can name your child superman with a sur name (last name) as spiderman. You are the one that is giving birth to the child you can name it what ever you want. So the last name thing is up to you, so is the first and the middle. Just because the baby does not have his last name doesnt mean that she wont know her father or that he is less of her father. It doesnt matter what you name her she still has half of his DNA and there is nothing you, him or her can do about that. So just do what you feel is right.
    The court thing is.... protection is key. If he is abusive to you the you should get a restraining order. To protect yourself. Also if you fear for you babys safety then you should get one for her and you can get one before she is born that he cant be around her whe she is born for her safety. After that the court will get involved and determine the child support, visitation, and other arragements that need to be made in determining the safety of the child and what is best for the child. Another thing you need to keep in mind is that keep track of everything. Every threating phone call, abusive words in public, anything that you dont feel comfortable with. The court will order him to pay half of the medical costs, (related to her- usually birthing charges) her doctors appointments, daycare, and anything else related to her.

    You have a lot to think about and I would look to actual legal advice for indepth help with this situiation.

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  • Hunny name your child whatever you like... I'm in the same situation and my child will not have her father's last name. He says he will be there for her and I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. But do get legal advice. The name thing has nothing to do with any court proceedings but I do believe him being on the birth certificate or not does. I dislike my child's father with a passion but he is her father and I can't deny that. Good luck with everything hun. God bless!
  • @blessed1 and others, I believe you owe me a apology for I never said I want to obstruct our detour his parental rights. I stated I was worried what my rights were since he is threatening to take full custody of her. He is mentally & verbally abusive to me which I will not tolerate. I don't mind if he has a role in my daughters life & again never said I would try to prevent it. I just want him to leave me alone & stop threatening me. I have no problem with her father being in her life &.will not prevent it. I just plan on keeping full custody of her because it is a womans natural sense to be the main care giver & there is nothing close to a mothers love.
  • Don't put his name on the birth cert. He has no right to her then only way he can prove it is by a dna test and those cost a pretty penny so I doubt that he will pay for it if he hasn't help with her yet
  • He can still have a part in her life and u will not have to worry
  • @tlg81
    I didn't put my exes name on the birth certificate because he never showed back up at the hospital to sign it. He was verbally and mentally abusive to me and now I wish he wasn't in my daughters life. He says and does things around her that any normal person would never ever do. He is very intelligient but has zero common sense. If your ex is anything like mine please do take the precautions suggested above, and document everything. You may not need it but it will help should you end up in a situation that calls for you to take him to court. Even if he seems like his demeanor has improved you'll never regret having an account of what transpires. I wish you the best of luck and pray he won't do anything foolish.
  • I can't believe in this day and age that just because a mother chooses to give a baby her last name that the baby is going to be referred to as a bastard. Unreal



  • @Tlg81 ... Im sorry you're going through all of this... And I'm even more sad to hear about all the deadbeat fathers it sounds like some of the women on here have had to deal with. It's so sad and frustrating from our persepective...
  • @mikeandronadopt thanks for your support. I know everyone has opinions & I would never keep my baby from her father which is what some people believe. Im just stressed & scared, I have done everything for this baby & have bonded with her that im scared because he makes more money then I that he would be able to take her.
  • Im going through the same thing right now I don't feel comfortable with the idea of leaving my baby alone with him not abusive but health wise his house has fleas bad he smokes cigarettes in the house plus he is on probation cuz he failed his drug test but he said that he is going to get hold of his attorney he makes a lot more money than me and he is a lot older but he has a bad record this is my first baby but I take care of my niece too I'm just scared that he is going to take my baby
  • What bothers me the most the one thing that I expected him to remember is my due date and he can't even remember that so how can I expect him to remember anything else
  • I am so not reading all this thread lol! So idk if someone said this. Give the baby ur last name do not put him on the bc and do not go for cs. I learned my lesson with my daughter. Because I went for cs which he never pays and if he would it would b less then $200 a month plus he has visiting rights plus the courts may now give her his last name. Stay clear of bd do not do a dna test. Raise her urself and someday you'll meet a nice man that will raise her as his own. Its easier not to deal with the stress n drama if bd if ur not working out
  • Don't know where you all live.....I'm in pa and here the law (like in many other states) is basically what's called 9/10ths. Meaning simply.....unless you let him take the baby, he will have to go through full court process to gain custody (unless he proves the baby is in danger under tour care). Possession in whoever has it until proven different. Whatever you do...Do NOT let him take the baby for a one on one visit. No matter how nice he's being or what he says. The moment he leaves with the child he automatically has custody until YOU take him to court. Also food for thought.... Get a protection from abuse order (PFA) the moment the baby is born...it will give you custody.. ..from there you can negotiate terms of custody and visitation with him.....but if he threatens you he silk go to jail.
  • edited May 2011
    Wow. Father's have rights, end of story! Just because we have a messed up judicial system and money grubbers on child support does NOT mean a child should be taken from their father. Some of the "advice" here is the stupidest pack of crap I have ever had the misfortune to read! Social development along with other health issues are the natural responsibility of the father in child rearing, and this barbaric attitude that fathers shouldn't be with their children is exactly why a lot of them are not! Men know they are screwed from the moment the test comes up positive. Children in our country are deprived the relationship they should have with fathers due to court systems who benefit financially from it and money grubbing possessive mothers who care more about themselves than the true well-being of the children. Are there fathers out there that don't give a crap? Absolutely... but point one of them out and you can point out a mother who is exactly the same. Wake up people.
  • @techgirlpa......I'm all for there's two sides to everything. I don't agree with keeping the babies daddy out of the loop. Or not naming him as the father on the birth cert. I'm saying there are things she can do to maintain custody until arrangements are reached, as well as protecting herself from threats. I hope I did not give you an anti daddy impression. I'm all for parental rights on both sides, so long as it benefits baby.
  • edited May 2011
    @Bethybaby. No its all this crap about get a pfa and don't let him take the child. Its ridiculous. My partner and I were raising his kids while his physically and mentally abusive ex partied, and then She decided she didn't want to work anymore and filed for custody. Due to her having a vagina she was given 70% of the time with them, and the kids and my daughter who was living as their sister have had to pay the price including my daughter seeing a therapist. The youngest comes home and has called us names she has taught him and says things like "bitch". I have to work several jobs to keep a home for five soon to be six, while She continues to abuse from afar. There's nothing like finding your partner crying his eyes out in his children's room because he misses them so badly. These moronic ideas that men don't love their children or deserve equal time with them are contributing to the emotional issues more and more children have these days, but as long as one person gets their way, its ok for everyone else to suffer.

    Taking a child from a parent is wrong on every level unless they are truely abusive. And making fathers see their kids every other weekend IS taking them away. Any woman can say She's the woman so she must be the better parent, and that that somehow justifies in her mind her actions, but it doesn't make it so. Good dads lose their kids every day, and until people start looking at reality it will continue to happen.
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