Custody question, what rights does the father have?

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Comments

  • Um okay, the pfa crap is to protect HER from abuse. She clearly stated she was being threatened. I'm sorry the court system screwed you...but I think you may be letting your situation get in the way of what tig81 is saying. Besides what kind of father starts with custody crap with a woman pregnant with his child. If he'd cared, he'd care about the stress the mother can put on the baby as well during pregnancy.
  • edited May 2011
    @Bethybaby. The kind who can't see his child. Also, I know mothers in my state who have lost their kids by the exact same way.. its not just about fathers, but their treatment on here is terrible. Every single person I know who has had a custody case has either won or lost their children! That is the real problem! To be frank, the Guy probably doesn't like the fact that she holds all the cards and he's left to likely end up paying for a child he can't raise himself. We have a high sluicide rate in our country for people who's children have been taken, and I personally have offered help online to men AND woman who its happened to. And my partners situation only has verified the need for people to stop and think. My ex didn't see my daughter for over six years, and it impacted her health greatly. That was his decision, but had he been there he could have been. I've lived every angle of the scenario and was kept from my father most of my childhood and lived with a mother who was severely depressed and hoarded and affected every level of who I am today. So... before you assume, I suggest you know the whole story.

    I don't agree with anyone harrassing anyone, but I Can say that with all of the people I have met in the same situation, I can understand where he's coming from. I can also understand her point of view, but him saying he's gonna take her to court is not abuse. In heated situations involving kids and money, people act crazy. Another reason why there needs to be equal parenting laws and a real judicial system that doesn't advocate the fighting between parents. The only reason there isn't is because of child support which makes local government offices enormous amounts of money.
  • Ok, agian you are jumping...i never assumed anything about you.... I simply made my comment on what she stated. And you are assuming what this guys thoughts are just as well..... I'm basing on a scared pregnant girl who is afraid of having get unborn taken away asking for advice. I made a comment about someone stating they were abused. End of story. I gave my opinion based on her comment, I'm sorry you're an angry person and don't agree. I still think people are entitled to give advice when asked(that's what the forum is about), she asked, people gave. Just because you don't agree doesn't mean its wrong.
  • Third paragraph. I trust www.ehow.com , they've never let me down.
  • @caroline8_p, thanks for the site :)
  • edited May 2011
    @Tlg81. Hi. First, I don't want you to think my posts are directed to you, they are directed at some of the moronic things I've read here. Second, my best advice for you is to try to work with this guy as much as possible. He sounds like a pain to you, but there are two sides to the story. I don't know if his real concern is the baby or money, but either is a powerful motivator to act like a whacko. I do hope for your child's sake that he wants to be with her and isn't just worried about his wallet. If that's the case it should be a lot easier for you to work together once things cool down. People threaten when they feel backed into a corner, and while I don't know your whole situation, its what I've gathered from what you've said about him. If I were you, I'd stop asking him for anything involving money and offer him some time with her. If she doesn't really know him as of yet, Just tell him you'd like to be there at first until she adjusts. Meet at a park or something and observe how they are together. Encourage them to have a relationship. Really Its the only way to draw a conclusion as to what's motivating him. That's why I say about money because if he doesn't have a reason to worry about that, and he doesn't show up to see her, you'll know that's all he's thinking about. I don't know, but I do believe its not in a child's best interest to lose a parent, but if he's the type who ends up walking away, at least its on his head and not yours. Be the one with her best interests at heart, and the one willing to bend. Good luck to you hon.

    Also it's ridiculous that you are the one doing all of her scheduling.. not on your part but his. At the same time he might be just So obsessed with thinking that you're not "letting" him do anything that that could aid in his attitude. I just think your situation could get a lot worse and the better parent is the one willing to work with the other. Most judges if you get to court will go for the parent most willing to work with the other.
  • Unfortunately this is the type of crap we deal with in central pa: http://www.lockhaven.com/page/content.detail/id/531420/High-court-reprimands-local-judges.html?nav=5009

    This article was in our very recent news. This same "judge" grabbed a 16 year old rape victim and threatened her to not make him look bad in the courtroom.
  • Yeah.... I live in northeast pa..... I know the crap too.
  • edited May 2011
    @Bethybaby. You should check out that link then. Also another good one is WWW.paface.org which is also pa based. The first link is the same judge who took my partners kids, and in every case I've investigated from him, the parent making the most has been the parent to lose their kids. My daughters therapist was raising her son and suddenly had him taken by the father who couldn't be bothered before. Its about money unfortunately, and I just wish people would start thinking about others rather than themselves. Really for me that's what it all boils down to. In our case my partner will eventually get his kids back because his ex is abusive and will mess up, but there are a lot of parents out there who don't deserve to lose their kids. The sad thing is it really could happen to anyone. My ex could take me to court tomorrow and I could lose my daughter to him. It should be about well-being and equal parenting rights so people don't throw punches at eachother over it. When we met with lawyers last year to fight his ex, two of them told us not to bother if the judge thought his ex was attractive. These are local lawyers who are in front of him every day. Its just very sad that things can be this way. We should be encouraging parents to get along for the kids.
  • I understand...... Your ex should appeal if you feel that strongly. In tig81 case I was only advising based on what she said and trying to look out for someone staying they are being abused. Sorrt if I offended your situation.
  • edited May 2011
    @Bethybaby. No hon you definitely didn't, I just get worked up when I see father bashing unfortunately with everything I've seen. I originally skipped over this thread but my partner opened it on his phone and so I ended up checking it out against my own better judgement. As I guessed prior to, I'm still awake and irritated when I think of all the people I've met in this type of situation. We started an appeal to the superior court but the judge somehow got his hands on it before it was sent through and responded with a nasty letter about my partner saying that he had been badmouthing his ex (all he did was talk about the abuse and ask three times for a mediator and counciling). I should also mention that my partners dad is on the drug task force and has to go in front of and argue with this same judge all of the time. I think our case was just biased against my partners family as that's common practice around here. There was evidence that my partner was raising the kids and his ex purgered herself over and over but it didn't make a difference for us. I just hope and pray every day that things will get better, not just for us but for everyone who has lost their kids.
  • No offence intended to anyone here but as a dad myself and in law enforcement also. It pisses me off when I see so many comments saying the father basically has no rights and has to prove they are fit to be a parent. No woman has to price they are the babies mum or in most cases price they are fit to be a parent.
    I have been there every step of theway for my wife and kids but would lose them in court with in 2 minutes based on the fact I'm a guy.
    I'm not saying any ones opinion is less worthy but at the same time neither is every dad a dead beat because they struggle with their responsibilities.
    End of rant and sorry for any offence.
  • Any dumb ass can make a baby but it really does take a man to be a dad. I struggled when our son was born and even resented him at first because of the bond my wife had with him and me working to support a family of 4, does that make me a bad father. No it was me being scared and threatened by change.
    Yes some men will abandoned you and the child but at the end of the day he's not a man he's a scared little boy.
    I never knew my dad as he left when I was 3 but I will never forget the day he died. I have been a cop for 11 years now and that was the hardest death notice I have ever had to deliver to my family and to his new family. I still wish to this day that I had not attended that accident or that I had got someone else to notify family but at the end of the day it comes down to responsibility and has made me the dad I am today.
  • I have been thru this in the state of sc! My lawyer told me to breast feed the judge will not take a breastfed baby away from her mother... as far as joint custody goes he will not have to pay cs... u do not have to give... the baby his last name u can give the baby whatever last name u want... document everything u can and if he was abusive to u more than likely it will be towards the child also! My ex done all this to me tried to take me to court say I was unfit n make himself out to be the great dad... needless to say I had permant custody he had temp visitation everyother weekend with a cs obligation! We stayed in n out of court. N finally quit having anything to do with the children signed his rights over n my wonderful husband of 5 yrs has adopted them n given them his last name! They call him daddy n never speak of the jerk that only wanted them when it was convient for him! Not all dads are dead beats bit not all will stand up n do what's right either! Its a mamas natural instint to stand up for her child from the very beginning to protect her baby!
  • @techgirlpa & others, thank you for your opinions & thoughts. I believe my post got somewhat sidetracked & some ranting went on about fathers rights. Again as stated from earlier, I have no intention of keeping my baby from her father & encourage a relationship. I'm not due til aug but he has managed to make my 1 and only pregnancy very hard with his lack of sensitivity, support and controlling ways. But again that's to me & as long as.he's not that.way with her i strongly encourage a relationship. He has not given me 1 dime & has already stated he doesn't want to give me support would rather the money go directly to her. I don't care about that, I'm 31 years old with a successful career, and believe her is only repeating advice given to him by scorned fathers. I'm sorry that you & your significant other have had a rough time, but that has nothing to do with my situation. I was merely asking for advice on what my rights are or if anyone else had been through something similar. I just want to be prepared because as of right now I'm dreading labor for the drama that he will bring. Once again I'm sorry you have had a tough road & will pray for you and your family for a sense of peace. To everyone else on here, thanks for your opinions as well & good luck in your pregnancies.
  • @techgirlpa I am sorry for the suffering that your family is obviously going thru. Small towns suck in that regard. Hopefully she will screw up and you catch herr that way. I have within my family (not me fortunately) seen both sides of the coin. I have a brother who had a girlfriend who is not necessarily abusive but is definitely unfit..... It is very sad.
  • @blessed1 r u a single mom with a horrible bd? if not shut it ur just rude and unnessessary... if u could state facts u know & keep ur opinons to urself thatd b great bc there are alot of us out here who arent so "blessed" and dont need ur added stress when looking for advice on something as important as the custody of our child...

    googling state laws is helpful but also kind of confusing... i need to talk to a lawyer as well
  • @blessed1 r u a single mom with a horrible bd? if not shut it ur just rude and unnessessary... if u could state facts u know & keep ur opinons to urself thatd b great bc there are alot of us out here who arent so "blessed" and dont need ur added stress when looking for advice on something as important as the custody of our child...

    @tlg81 googling state laws is helpful but also kind of confusing... i need to talk to a lawyer as well... good luck. stay strong
  • @xarmygirl talk about rude ans unnessessary..
  • @sara102011

    same question r u going through the same thing?, nope... did ur bd tell u to get an abortion and not want anything to do with the child? its a difficult subject and when looking for advice on such a hard topic negative opinons should be kept to a lull... sorry ur life is perfect so was my mine until he wanted me to get an abortion even offered to get a coat hanger.
  • @xarmygirl wow you don't even know me so how about you don't try to evalute my life. The original poster wasn't even talking about abortions. Sounds to me like you got some personal issues going on that have nothing to do with this. You're really in the wrong post cause you're goin off on stuff that has nothing to do with this topic. And sorry someobne telling ypu to get sn abortion ruined your whole life. Don't take your bad day out on everyone else.
  • ya the post was about custody and why not to include the baby's father.. My reason is what I posted to you... I am extremely period of my decision to keep the baby and do it on my own! So no, I'm not having a bad our on the wrong post just not looking for insensitive people like you that are trying to ruin my day... I am going to give this baby a great life and its the exact opposites of your assumption my like is just beginning... Please don't ever comment on my posts again thank you for your ignorance.
  • A judge will rarely give a father full custody unless the baby is going to be harmed in your care...but like you said he has not done anything, if he can't handle preparing for your little blessing before she is here, what makes him think when she arrives he will to supports and take care of her? If I were in your position I would give the baby your last name, he has no right to tell you she has to have his, you fill out all the paper work anyways. If he won't sign the b.certificate get a paternity test and get him for child support. It is his duty as a father to take care of the child he has made, no matter what. Lots of people say they don't want to sue for c.s. but it is what your child deserves, you did not lie in a bed alone and become pregnant which means he needs to man up and help you! If he wants to get petty take him to court, you meet with a mediator to straighten everything out the best way is to be civil or the judge will determine everything for you. I have a friend that was having a similar problem as you, when she had her son, she let the father take him. Even though he had no prior knowledge of how to care for a newborn or anything even though he had 2 other children he was clueless. he also never bought one thing for his child or even offered. He also went as far as not giving the child back when she went to his house he threw her off the porch and refused to give the child back. Not saying this is anything like your situation but you never know what the situation can escalate to when people get in their emotions and go a little crazy. Who knows when she gets here he may come around and be an amazing father, but it is not right for him to threaten you with taking away your child, or the other way around. You can;t use your child as a weapon ever.
  • @xarmygirl really? You soumcd incredibly crazy right now. And it had nothing to do on not including the father bc she was very clear on wanting him involved. I'm the farest thing from insensitive and no one was being rude to anyone until you came along with a pissy attitude jumping on @blessed1 for no reason at all. She wasn't being rude or unnessessary. You were. Nothing i have said has made me look ignorant at all but if it makes ypu feel better then fine. You took this where it didn't need to go. And for someone who doesn't like to be told what to do you sure are bossy.
  • This is harrassment I just asked u to leave me alone... Im reporting u
  • @xarmygirl go for it. You're the one doing the name calling.
  • I'm with @sara102011 on this one.
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